In search of Zelda

I look like a Kennedy
Those of you, my adoring public of three, who know me on even the most superficial level will know how profoundly I love but one woman. You can have your Charlize Therons, your Hilary Swanks and Jennifer Annistons. For the only woman that has ever or will ever interest me is Paris Hilton. Oh sure I've dated other women but even the manliest man can't turn up for the NFL without playing some pick up games. And it's going to take a lot of picking up to win Paris with your game.

Paris Hilton...even the name reassures me of a better world. A world where people are above asking naiveish questions like...who are you really? A world where the only value is face. A world where an individual is able to redefine themselves with little more than a change of clothes. That is a better world and Paris is its harbinger. Speak to me, O my muse!

Somewhere on the road to Los Angeles the scales fell from my eyes and I saw the true nature of my goddess. Since then I've hoped to see Paris, not pursuing her exactly for there is no need to pursue what is already yours. For Paris...or as I like to call her Parizhichka...for Parizhicka, which is Russian for little Paris, and I are fated to be. It's inevitable. There is no other way other than that the two most ridiculous people in LA should end up together. For you see Paris is my Zelda. I'm not really sure who that makes me. I suppose either Link, that guy from the video game, or F. Scott Fitzgerald. I don't really care which I mean sure one ends up happy and the other miserable but the important thing is that either way I'm the voice of my generation. At times my quest has seemed quixotic at best but I knew Paris Hilton was no windmill even if she changes with the wind. Maybe a weathervane.

This is getting really long and not particularly interesting. The point is I met Paris Hilton and it was awesome. The best part is this when my buddy asked if she could take our picture she said no because she was worried...the camera would make her look all blow-n out. How perfectly Paris...

I think we're going to get married at the Getty. I already have my dress picked out...